July 26, 2020 - Self-Deprecation
Humor is now and has probably always been my fave coping mechanism. I make light of just about everything, including but not limited to myself. IF I'm being really honest with myself, I do it mainly as a means of entertaining the masses because in my mind, if they're laughing, they're not leaving. (Wow, that sounds really sad and fucked up when I "say" it out loud. Just keep in mind, these journal entries are not a means of seeking your sorrow or sympathy. Quite the contrary, I often get irritated by the "poor you" response to these blurbs. I don't write them for attention, I write them for acknowledgement and to hopefully show others that there is NO Shame in struggling. But I digress...)
I mentioned my humor because I've noticed that I have a strong tendency to use it to put myself down. More often than not, I do that to beat others to the punch. You see, people can be assholes (myself included); we say things without thought and then go on our merry ways without considering the ramifications of what we say and do. Being the Highly Sensitive Person that I am... I often dwell on things that have otherwise been LONG forgotten.
Apologies... I keep getting off track.
The point of this blurb is that I've noticed a pattern of self-deprecation.
- [Self-deprecation is the act of reprimanding oneself by belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging oneself, or being excessively modest. It can be used in humor and tension release.]
This has prevented me from speaking up for myself and fully stepping into my power. And because of this self-inflicted pattern, I'm always being mansplained and end up feeling the need to pretend not to know half the things I do. Internally I STAY irritated and I get frustrated when people say things that demean me, when in reality, they're just following my lead! This has GOT to stop!
Bottom-line is this: When we know better, we must DO BETTER, even if that means checking ourselves. I can't continue to fault others for doing the things I taught them! I need to stop being afraid of being labeled as a "bitch", as "arrogant", as "pushy" and all the other words that have been formed as a means of demeaning strong women. I know better, so it's time for me to DO BETTER.
I ask again... Are YOU ready to Begin YOUR Journey?
