July 18, 2020 - I'm A Loser
Today started off as just another average day. My twins woke me up so lovingly by screaming, throwing their mattresses off of their beds and then jumping up-and-down on the wood base so that I felt obligated to get them, otherwise disturbing everyone else from their slumber. It is always so glorious. Then I got them together and made myself a little breakfast in order to take my sinus meds. (Man, I'm really filling y'all in right now!)
Anywho... Then I joined a morning workout class; which was EXHAUSTING but so great. THEN I logged the babies into a story time read along on zoom. They basically stare at the reader with pure judgement, but in my mind, they're getting tons out of it! THEN, I changed them so I could get ready to log into my second class of the morning. This is where things get sticky. I attempt to log-in with the info I was given but nothing. I keep receiving the error message that I'm entering the wrong password. I then do what any "normal" person does... I email them, message them and try the password about 10.000 additional times. (What, you don't do that?!)
It's at this point that I can feel myself starting to spiral mentally. I can no longer focus on where I had just been mentally, now all I can think is, "this is not what is supposed to happen... why isn't the code working... are other people able to log-in... why wouldn't I be able to get in with the info they sent... am I the issue... why does shit always happen to the events I actually want to participate in... why do I have to put in so much work just for things to not work out..." I think you get the picture... My spiral is deep!
I said that to say this... Depression is NO JOKE! And even moreso, it's a sneaky bitch! Just when you think you have your shit together; BAM, there she goes again (not sure why I made it female, but I digress). Truth is: it's OK to not be OK. It's OK to admit to being in the midst of the struggle. It doesn't make you weak and it doesn't make you a complete loser-failure (I just made that up)... even when you feel like you are. The most important part to me is to acknowledge the pain/struggle; to allow yourself to be vulnerable and admit your emotional state... just don't unpack and move into the state of depression (they don't have good restaurants).
Keep Going... Are YOU ready to Begin YOUR Journey?
